“A Word on Forgiveness”
My younger brother Deto Man
(Dietrich) asked me to write a message about forgiveness. Many of you don’t know that his first infant son (my nephew), Trevon, was killed as a result of senseless domestic violence. After twenty-five years, the one responsible for his death has now been released from prison.
Beloved, forgiveness is one of the hardest commands of God—especially when the wound cuts this deep. No length of time can bring Trevon back, nor can it erase the suffering that has marked our family. But forgiveness is not about minimizing the crime or pretending that justice was unnecessary. Forgiveness is about releasing the grip of bitterness and anger before it poisons the soul.
The great blues singer Bobby “Blue” Bland once said in his song, “That’s the way love works, you got hurt before you heal.” But I say this: “You got to forgive before you heal.” Without forgiveness, the wound keeps bleeding. With forgiveness, God begins to bind up the brokenhearted and restore peace where pain once reigned.
Moreover, Jesus said in Matthew 6:14–15, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Forgiveness is not excusing the offender—it is entrusting them into the hands of the only righteous Judge.
Additionally, Paul reminds us in Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Justice belongs to God, and only He can carry that weight.
At the end of the day, forgiveness does not erase memory, nor does it demand reconciliation. What it does is set the heart free. It is a declaration that while evil tried to destroy, it will not be given the power to rule over your peace. Ephesians 4:32 gives us this command, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
So my beloved brother and to those who have processed or currently processing significant loss in their life never forget that true forgiveness says: “You may have taken a life, but their spirit lives in eternity with Christ and though their time with cut short, we know one day soon we will spend the rest of eternity with our Savior and all of precious loved ones forever!”
Pray with me:
Father God,
We bring before You Trevon’s memory, Dietrich’s pain, and the wound that still aches after all these years. Lord, You see the injustice, You feel the sorrow, and You know the depth of anger that lingers. Yet You also call us to forgive—not by our own strength, but by Yours.
Grant my brother and those who are also grieving loss the grace to release what they cannot carry. Guard their hearts from the snare of bitterness and flood it instead with peace that surpasses all understanding. Help my brother honor Trevon’s life not with hatred, but with forgiveness, grace, mercy, healing, and a testimony of Your power.
We trust that justice is Yours, Lord, and we place both the offender and the broken pieces of our hearts into Your hands. In Jesus’ mighty name we pray, believe, and receive. Amen.
4GIVEN 